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Protected: Marriage Drive (1)

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  • reemcha

    Are you willing to more away from your home/family?
    a. Yes
    b. No
    c. I am willing to but I would rather not

  • reemcha

    Are you willing to live overseas?
    a. Yes
    b. No
    c. For a short time
    d. I want to raise my children overseas

  • reemcha

    Will you allow your wife to work?
    a. Yes
    b. No
    c. If she can manage the home/children and work, then yes
    d. Before children; yes, afterward; no
    e. Only if we are financially in need

  • reemcha

    Do you shake hands with non-mahram men/women?
    a. Yes, it’s not a big deal
    b. Yes, but I am trying to stop
    c. No, it is haram
    d. I try not to, but some situtations are unavoidable

  • reemcha

    How often do you attend Islamic lectures/classes?
    a. Daily
    b. Once a week
    c. Once a month
    d. A few times a year
    d. Never

  • reemcha

    Do you follow a particular mathhab?
    a. Yes, strictly
    b. Yes, loosely
    c. I follow the imam of my masjid
    d. No, I follow the Jamaa’

  • reemcha

    Do you listen to music?
    a. Yes
    b. No
    c. No, it is haram
    d. Yes, but i’m trying to stop
    e. Only nasheed

  • reemcha

    What opinion do you follow regarding Meat?
    a. Only Thabiha
    b. Most of America is Ahlul-Kitab therefore Halal
    c. I only buy Thabiha meat for my home but I still eat non-Thabiha meat at restaurants
    d. I eat only Thabiba meat (beef, lamb, etc), but I eat non-Thabiha chicken at restaurants
    e. Forget the fitnah…I’m vegetarian!

  • yahya

    Do you think marriage compatibility can be done through a survey-based algorithm?

    (a) For sure! My life is one big algorithm! I only think in ‘if-then’ statements and I see all my actions in flow-charts, loops, recursive functions and precisely defined variables
    (b) Yes! It’s good to have a structured approach to major decisions in life
    (c) Maybe! It really depends on the assumptions underlying the algorithm
    (d) Maybe! But not if the algorithm only matches my choices with that of the potential spouse: I would love to have someone who complements me and not only mirrors me: I want us to learn from & grow with each other.
    (e) No! What if the algorithm behind the survey is not what I want?
    (f) Of course not! I don’t believe in algorithms…this must be the idea of a software engineer!
    (g) Algor-who? What on Allah’s good green earth is an algorithm?

  • yahya

    Based on how well you know yourself, if you were to do the survey again years in the future what is the likelihood of you having the same responses? (i.e. In answering a survey now, how valid do you think the responses will still be years into the future)

    (a) Always valid! I am the singular constant in my family! My answers never change! These were my answers when I was a kid, and I foresee myself having the same responses even if I live to be a 100
    (b) Probably valid! I spent a lot of time thinking of these things and I feel very comfortable that my answers will still remain the same years from now
    (c) Maybe valid in the future! My answers may or may not change: I based my responses on my current understanding (i.e. of Islam, of the Quran, of my strengths/weakness/personal experiences, etc), and my responses may evolve with my understanding in the future
    (d) Probably not valid! I find myself revising my past opinions quite a bit
    (e) Not valid at all! I find myself changing opinions and perspectives all the time. My response now may not be the same tomorrow!
    (f) I don’t know!
    (g) I worry that I might match with someone based on my responses now, but I may evolve into a different understanding & they will remain static or vice-versa
    (g) I don’t get this question! What if my response to this question changes but everything else remains the same? Then what?

  • zbkahera

    Before I start I must say this is a great idea. I am a single Muslim sister and i have never took the time to write out or even think about questions to ask a brother who could potentially be my spouse, so thank you for developing this.
    1. What are your expectations of your spouse

    2. How do you feel about your wife working instead of staying home with the kids:
    a. Very comfortable- if thats what she wants i’m ok
    b. Somewhat comfortable- i would like her to stay home for a little while then go to work.
    c. Not comfortable- she should work, she should stay at home and raise the children.

    3. What are your financial expectations for yourself and your wife.

    4. How strong is your desire to consider a polygamous marriage in the future

    5. Would you be willing to relocate for your spouse.

    6. Do you have any desire to live in another country for an extended period of time.

    7. How much (if any) community service do you participate in.

    8. What are some of you pet peeves about other people

    9. How well do you interact with people of different cultures and faiths

    10. how would you rate the strength of your dean from 1-10, 1 being weakest, 10 being strongest

    11. What are some of your personal Islamic goals

    12. Is it important to you to have your children attend an Islamic school.

    13. How strong is your social life (Halal… Muslim events or events with friends, or cultural events not going to the club etc)
    a. I am a social Butterfly, I am involved in numerous groups, and projects
    b. I am not as social as I would like, but I do enjoy when I am able to get out
    c. I am not very social, I occasionally go out
    d. I do not like to go out at all. I prefer to stay at home if I am not doing any mandatory activities ( school, work, jummah etc)

    14. How diverse was your upbringing i.e. did you have friends of different cultures or religions growing up

    15. Would you marry someone who is of a different culture or race than you

    16. How does your family feel about you being involved in inter cultural or interracial relationships.
    a. it does not matter at all to them
    b. they prefer me to marry someone of a similar race or culture, but it is not a major issue for them
    c. They will not approve if i marry someone who is not the same culture or race as me.

    17. What is your highest level of education
    a. High School
    B. Some College
    c. Undergrad degree
    d. Grad Degree

    18. is it an issue for you if your spouse has a higher degree level or income level than you.
    a. not an issue, i am proud of it
    b. a slight issue, but i don’t lose sleep over it
    c. I will not marry anyone who is not at an higher income or education level than me

    19. What are your political views
    a. Liberal
    b. moderate
    c. conservative
    d. I do not identify myself with any political label

    20. What is your previous relationship experience
    a. Single, never married, never engaged, never have (or considered dating)
    b. I am unmarried, but i have dated before, but that was a unfocused time in my life, and i would not considered that ever again
    c. i date regularly, and don’t think that there is anything wrong with it.

  • Oum Wassim

    Salam aleykom,

    As for myself I have set 3 criteria which are IMPORTANT in a partner all the rest is negotiable. This make things very easy. Then my family and I tested my partner to confirm my 3 criteria.

    – Muslim Mu’umin
    – Good Looking
    – Having a sense of Humour

    That’s it ! all the rest was negotiable except these 3 important thing to me.
    And of course with Salat istikharah, Allah helps you to find your best match.

    Rgds,

    Salam

  • Maria

    Since I am Hispanic and was turned down by a family before because I was Spanish and also being a new Muslim. I made sure to ask potential spouses besides the usual the following questions:

    1) is your family comfortable with you marrying outside of your race?

    2) if you find out that it is or it has become a problem how will you handle it?

    3) Is your family comfortable with you marrying a convert?

    ————————–
    DON’T DO THE FOLLOWING:
    1) Lie about your age. I was told by a friend of the brother that he was 27 years old (I had just turned 21 at the time), while we were arriving at the restaurant where I was supposed to meet him, I was informed that he might be 30. When I sat down at the table and finally got to ask him his age, he wouldn’t answer. After giving him the stare down he said he “might” be 34.

    2) Don’t mistake her NOs for YES. (Same brother) after clearly stating that I was not interested and would like to go home my “friend” was nowhere to be found. In the mean time the brother kept trying to convince me that he was the one for me and that he would give me a ride home.

    3) DON’T start naming offspring that you and her might have on the first interview. (Same brother) He said, “I think our first born should be called Yusuf.” Me: How about no.

    4) Don’t try to bribe her in to marrying you. (I actually been told this)
    Brother: “If you marry me you will NEVER have to work again”
    ME: No thank you (I am a housewife/entrepreneur now but it creeped me out to be asked in such a way).

    Brother: “if you marry me I will pay off ALL your student loans”
    Me: Please stop.

    ————————
    this is just a pet peeve of mine.
    when showing up to meet a potential spouse (with your guardian) ALWAYS dress neat and clean. If you wouldn’t show up to a job interview looking the way you do its probably not a good idea to show up to a marriage ‘interview’ looking like that either. Think about it, this is one of the most important interview in your life so dress accordingly (no club gear either).

  • http://OMAR.FREELIFE.COM GPRAWLINGS

    AS SALAAM ALAKIUM,THE FIRST QUESTION I ASK MY WIFE BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED WAS ABOUT HER AQEEDAT.IF A POTENTIAL MATE AQEEDAT IS NOT CORRECT THEN YOU GOT SERIOUS PROBLEM.IF THEY ARE WILLING TO CORRECT THEIR BELEIF THEN THAT MARRIAGE WILL BE HALAAL.THE SECOND QUESTION I ASK MY WIFE DOES SHE WEAR PROPER HIJAB?THE THIRD QUESTION I ASK MY WIFE WAS SHE OPINIONATED AND ARGUMENTATIVE.THE NEXT QUESTION WAS DID SHE HAVE ANY HEALTH ISSUES.THE FINALLY QUESTION WAS SHE WILLING TO OBEY HER HUSBAND IN ALL THAT WAS HALAAL.ALHAMDUILLAH,SHE ANSWER ALL MY QUESTION ACCORDING TO QURAN AND SUNNAH AND WE GOT MARRIED.IN THE ISLAM CULTURE,RACE,DOES NOT DETERMINE WHETHER YOU SHOULD MARRY A POTENTIAL MATE OR NOT.ISLAM ACKNOWLEGE OUR CULTURE AND CUSTOM,HOWEVER IF OUR CULTURE AND CUSTOM CONTRADICT OUR RELIGION,THEN WE MUST ERADICATE THOSE CULTURE AND CUSTOM.AS SALAAM ALAKIUM!

  • http://mustaqeem.wordpress.com coolguymuslim

    What is your relationship with the Quran?

    1-I have memorized and revise daily
    2-I have a good relationship with it and hope to memorize it one day – insh’Allah
    3-I read it sometimes, mostly during Ramadan
    4-I don’t read the Arabic, but try to read the translation once in a while
    5-I don’t have a relationship wit the Quran

  • http://mustaqeem.wordpress.com coolguymuslim

    Where do you want to live your life?

    1-I want to move overseas and live in the land of the Muslims
    2-I want to live overseas for a bit and study the deen and then come back to America
    3-I want to live in America for purposes of dawah
    4-I want to live in America to be close to those I love (i.e. parents)
    5-I want to live in America b/c financially it makes sense and is easier

  • http://www.youtube.com/qabandiman Qabandi

    Are you muslim ?

  • Daijeia

    Can we help each other get closer to the creator?
    Can we support getting closer to Allah even if it means moving away from one another?
    How in/dependent are we on working to earn money to survive?
    What material posessions,realities are absolutely necessary to survive today.
    What must we have to feel content with todays lifestyle,circusmstances, environment.
    Would you sacrifice your life, desires, dreams, ambitions to raise, provide for our children until their needs no longer exists?
    Who do you want to make decisions for you if necessary and other considerations.
    What is our ideal vision for our future?
    Are we willing to sacrifice everything on earth to remain together?
    If we no longer like each other can we go our separate ways?
    If we change can we go our separate ways?
    What roles, responsiblities should we take upon ourselves indivdually/together?
    What do we expect of each other?

  • bin adam

    Name a person that you would want your children to respect:
    a) Quaid-e-Azam
    b) Muhammad ibn Abdillah
    c) Albert Einstein
    d) Ayatullah Khomenei

  • bin adam

    If a Muslim (out of sincerity) questions some action of yours which you believe to be correct which of the following would be a valid response (choose all that apply)?
    a) Everybody in my country does it and they are Muslims so it must be correct
    b) This well known scholar says it is valid so it must be correct
    c) It is proven in the revealed texts (i.e. the Qur’an or the authentic Sunnah) so it must be correct
    d) It is proven by consensus of the earlier generations so it must be correct
    e) It is proven by consensus of the modern scholars so it must be correct

  • bin adam

    If you are told to do something in the authentic Sunnah but no mention of it is found in the Qur’an what does that mean?
    a) You don’t have to do it
    b) It is Sunnah to do it
    c) You must do it
    d) I’ll do it if my local Imam recommends it

  • bin adam

    Let’s talk about sports (assume the person is from Pakistan): if Morocco team is playing against Pakistan team which team would you want to win?
    a) Pakistan of course!
    b) They are both Muslim countries so it doesn’t matter which one wins
    c) They are both Muslim countries but I would be happier if Pakistan won

  • Anonymous

    Would you consider someone of another culture?
    A) yes
    B) no
    C) depends on how different

    Would you consider someone from another country?
    A) yes
    B) no
    C) depends on how different

    Some cultures do this so … Would you live with your in-laws?
    A) Yes, is there any other way?
    B) Yes, until we get enough together for our own place
    C) depends on if we get along
    D) No, we need our space
    E) Not sure but we can discuss it.

  • iadiedee

    Would you marry someone from another culture?
    A) Yes
    B) No
    C) Maybe, depends on the conflicts

    Would you marry someone from another country?
    A) Yes
    B) No
    C) Maybe, depends on the differences

    Would you marry someone from another country and move there?
    A) Yes
    B) No
    C) Maybe, depends on the differences

    Would you marry someone from another country and have them move to you?
    A) Yes
    B) No
    C) Maybe, depends on the differences

    Would you be willing to live with your extended family or inlaws?
    A) Yes
    B) Yes, but with discussion and compatibility being positively determined first
    C) Yes, if we have our own separate area
    D) Yes, until we get enough together for our own place
    E) Willing to discuss it
    F) No, we need our own space

  • World traveller

    Do you snore?

    Have you got any phobias?

    Will you accompany your wife to travel to 3rd world countries and do some voluntary work?

  • Anisa

    1) What is the purpose of your life?
    2) What are your goals, in both dunya and akhirah?
    3) Can you describe your character/personality in a few words?
    4) What kind of wife are you seeking? In character/personality, etc? Describe your ‘ideal’ wife?

    ….

  • amna

    salam alakykum

    why do u think its easyer to deal with non mulims men and women then muslims?
    1- bczy you dont live in the same culther
    2- bcz they just want to be friend of urs
    3- bcz ur parents wont say anything

    why is it harder for mulims to get really married?
    1- bcz of parents
    2- money
    3- cant find sone one who is reall serious about it
    4- all the above

  • brother

    31. Do you entertain friends at your home?
    Yes
    No
    Sometimes

    32. Do you sit and talk strictly about Allah s.w.t. and Islam or do you have idle talks about trivial talks?
    Yes
    No, nothing wrong with idle talk as long as it’s halal
    No, but I feel bad for it
    No, it’s impossible

    33. DO you watch sports?
    Yes, all the time
    Yes, sometimes
    No, I don’t like sport
    No, I’m busy

    34. Do you play sports?
    Yes, all the time
    Yes, sometimes
    No, I don’t like sport
    No, I’m busy

    35. Have you missed Salaat for sport?
    Yes, but I regret
    Yes, but it’s okay
    No, because of my friends stop
    No, because Salaat has to be prayed within its time

  • Rafiqa86

    What is the MOST important elements below, in building a great relationship between husband and wife?
    a) Communication
    b) Patience
    c) Understanding
    d) Be aware of each other feelings.

    What if one day, your wife decided to look for a job after years staying at home as a full time house wife, would you…
    a) tell her working is not such a great idea, she should just stay at home as a housewife.
    b) ask her what is the job she looking for and give her supports
    c) tell her that u are providing enough for the family and if she is bored try to pick up a hobby

    Would you mind marrying someone who is from a different race and migrate to his/her country to live with her?
    a)No
    b)Yes
    c) yes, depend on which country he/she is living in

    What would you do if your spouse is infertiled?
    a) find a second spouse
    b) adopt a baby
    c) go see a specialist

    How would you make ur spouse happy if he/she is upset about something?
    a) cook a great meal where we can sit and talk
    b) my spouse will never be upset cos i know how to make he/she happy
    c) i would want him/her to tell me whats bothering him/her cos i hate the silent treatment

    Would you go for looks, brain or personality?
    a) i would look into the heart cos the heart will show the true personality
    b) definately brain, need someone with brain not going to marry a bimbo
    c)looks,brain and personality… no harm in choosing all three rite?

    would you marry someone with a congenitil illness?
    a) No
    b) Yes, why not no one is perfect whats important is good iman
    c) well depend on what type of illness is it.

  • miri

    Asalaamu ‘Alaykum
    my questions revised into multiple choice:
    1. How important is your religion to you personally right now? How important was it in the household while growing up?
    A.) I was raised with a strong foundation in my iman and now my own iman is very strong, alhamdullillah.
    B.) It was a big part of my childhood, and my iman is important to me, but I don’t practice as much as I used to.
    C.) It wasn’t such a big part of my childhood, but it’s become more important to me as I’ve grown up.
    D.) It wasn’t a big part of my household while growing up, and not too much has changed.

    2. How important is your culture to you? Which had more influences over you as a child? Are you able to separate one from the other without trouble?
    A.) It is a big part of my identity apart from my religion, my culture strongly influences the way I practice as well, and there might be some confusion of separating the two.
    B.) It’s very important to me, but my religion always came first. I’m also aware that I live in America and I don’t want to lose my culture, but I can separate the two.
    C.) It’s important somewhat to me, I can separate the two with little or no trouble.

    3. Does it make any difference to you that I am not from a Muslim family and have chosen to become Muslim?
    A.) Alhamdullillah you’ve found the right path, it makes no difference to me.
    B.) At least you’ve chosen to become Muslim, but my family might be concerned about your family.
    C.) It does make a difference but it’s not a problem.
    D.) It does make a difference because your family may not approve of me either.

    4. Does it matter to your family if I am from a different culture (if I am.)
    A.) Yes
    B.) No

    5. Do you think it’s ok for a woman to go to the masjid, or should she not go?
    A.) It’s ok if she goes, she should be able to learn about her religion too.
    B.) it’s ok if she goes but she can stay home too.
    C.) It’s better if she doesn’t go but I won’t stop her from going.
    D.) It’s better if she doesn’t go; she shouldn’t go.

    6. (I personally plan to get a Ph.D for my career goal.) Where does education fall on your list of priorities?
    A.) As long as I can provide for my family, I’ll do whatever it takes.
    B.) It’s very important to me.
    C.) It’s somewhat important to me, but I’m not quite that ambitious.
    D.) It’s not important to me.

    7. Would you care if I by choice chose to have a job and contribute to the family? Would that affect your self esteem negatively or make you feel like I was taking away from your right as a husband to provide for his family?
    A.) I do care.
    B.) I don’t care.

    8. (I don’t wear hijab yet, but i dress modestly, I cover my hair when going to the masjid, and I hope to wear it fully one day) How do you feel about women in Hijab? Does it make you think less of a woman without her hair covered but still modest?
    A.) It’s her choice, as long as she dresses modest to begin with.
    B.) She should wear hijab.

    9. Do you want kids?
    A.) Yes when we’re ready.
    B.) Yes right away.
    C.) I don’t want kids.

    10. How well do you speak Arabic? Would you pass on that knowledge to your children if you have any so that they could learn the Qur’an and understand it too? Would you be willing to help teach me?
    A.) I speak Arabic and I want my kids to speak Arabic too. I’ll help you learn.
    B.) I speak Arabic and I’ll teach them some.
    C.) I speak Arabic, if they learn, then good. But it’s not a priority.
    D.) I don’t speak Arabic.

    11. How much do you consider yourself a “practicing” muslim?
    A.) Very much so
    B.) Somewhat
    C.) Only by name

    12. What is your relationship to your parents?
    A.) I’m very close to them
    B.) I respect them, but their minds aren’t here in America
    C.) I’m not very close to them
    D.) We’re somewhat close, maybe one parent more than the other.

    13. Would you consider a second wife?
    A.)Yes
    B.) Maybe
    C.) No

    14. Would you marry for love or would you prefer an arranged marriage?
    A.) Arranged marriage
    B.) Love
    C.) Maybe attraction, but not love.

    15. If I gave you advice without scolding or talking down, would you at least be willing to listen to me?
    A.) Yes
    B.) Maybe
    C.) No

    16. Do you prefer to think of your wife as passive or strong willed?
    A.) Passive
    B.) A mix
    C.) Strong willed

    17. Would I be allowed to go out with my friends without you being jealous of
    the time I spend with them?
    A.) Yes
    B.) Sometimes
    C.) If I knew them
    D.) No

    18. Would i be able to invite friends over to the house?
    A.) Yes
    B.) If I knew them
    C.) No

    19. Am I expected to be a housewife or will you contribute to maintaining the home?
    A.) That is your responsibility
    B.) I’ll help some

    20. I was raised to view marriage as a partnership, something important, and with a mutual love and compassion for each other. How were you raised to view marriage? (I’d imagine answers vary)

    21. Do you consider yourself openminded?
    A.) Yes
    B.) No

    22. Do you consider yourself sympathetic?
    A.) Yes
    B.) No

    23. Do you have a passion? (for learning, for trying new things, for traveling, etc)
    A.) Yes
    B.) No

    24. Do you consider yourself a hard worker?
    A.) Yes
    B.) No

    25. Do you consider yourself judgmental?
    A.) Yes
    B.) Somewhat
    C.) No

    26. Would you be embarrassed of me in public?
    A.) Maybe
    B.) No
    C.) Yes

    27. How do you handle stress?
    A.) Avoid me, I don’t handle it well.
    B.) I’m working on it.
    C.) I handle it fine.

    28. How do you handle anger?
    A.) I can deal with it
    B.) I become irrational
    C.) I have a bad temper

    29. The Prophet (saw) said “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives ” (Tirmidhi)…will you be willing to remember that hadith when you are frustrated?
    A.) You’ll have to remind me
    B.) I already knew it, yes I’ll be willing to remember
    C.) no

    30. Do you want the wedding to be separated by gender?
    A.) Yes
    B.) No
    C.) Makes no difference

    31. Do you consider being “american muslim” a bad thing?
    A.) Yes
    B.) No

    32. Do you plan to go to the middle east to live there?
    A.) Yes
    B.) Not permanently
    C.) No

    33. Why would you want to marry me?
    (i’d imagine answers vary)

  • safwat

    how often do you watch sports?
    a. 2 hours a day
    b. 2 hours a week
    c. never
    d. more than 2 hours a day

  • Alltair

    Some of the choices to questions need more clarification. Potential mates should take caution when answering “yes”/”no” questions. Personally I think “yes/no” questions can be misleading. There are other questions that seem to be trying to test reading skills rather than obtaining one’s better judgment. Some of the choices are not alternatives but complementary. Question about seeking wealth and seeking deen seem ridiculous. Yes, muslims should value deen over dunya but please refrain from framing questions that makes seeking “sustainable” living a sinful behavior. Some of us hamdullilah were brought up under different circumstances. We were able to provide for our sisters’ or daughters’ and would like for the potential brother to be in similar capacity. It’s not an issue of greed or wealth but rather finding someone in similar circumstance, especially for a loved one.

  • iadiedee

    A’asalam Aleykum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh
    Ramadan Mubarak!
    You asked for volunteers for revising these into multiple choice. In all humility, may it be pleasing to Allah, I have made a humble attempt. I hope these keep the intent Meeeeg7 desired. Some were solely yes/no questions others were more creative. Please forgive my occasional stab at humor.

    May Allah reward all with a happy marriage. ameen
    sis Dee

    Meeeeg7 Said,
    August 27th, 2008 @8:28 am

    1. How often do you wake up for fajr, one time?
    I wake for fajr:
    a. every morning
    b. most mornings and trying to change
    c. once in a while
    d. never

    2. Do you pray during the last third of the night?
    Revised
    I pray during the last third of the night:
    a. every night
    b. most nights
    c. once in a while
    d. never

    3. Who do you model your life after?
    a. our Prophet (pbuh)
    b. sport hero
    c. famous person
    d. family member
    e. Qur’an and Sunnah

    4.Would marry someone who has reverted back to islam?
    a. yes
    b. no
    c. maybe, it depends on many factors

    5. Do you want your wife to work or stay at home with children?
    Would your wife:
    a. stay home with children
    b. work
    c. stay home and work
    d. I would not interfere with her choice

    6. Would you mind having a stepchild?
    a. yes
    b. no
    c. willing to discuss it
    d. depends on how many

    7. Would you treat that child as your own?
    a. yes
    b. no

    8. What role do our past relationships play on your decision, if any?
    a. none
    b. small role
    c. large role
    d. better not be any past relationships!

    9. Is salafi and sunni the same thing?
    a. yes
    b. no
    c. what’s salafi?
    d. what’s sunni?

    10. Do you want kids of your own?
    a. yes
    b. no
    c. maybe, it’s a serious discussion

    11. How would you treat me if I was having a bad week and I was doing everything that gets on your nerves?
    a. give back what you gave me
    b. with compassion and gentle words
    c. go to a friends’ or my parents till you cool down
    d. anger and argument
    e. reminders of our Prophet (pbuh) and prayer

    12. Do you hold grudges?
    a. yes
    b. no

    13. How important is your involvement with my kafr family?
    revised:
    I am a revert to Islam. My family are not. How will you interact with them?
    a. never, they are kafr and might taint our beliefs
    b. they’re still your family. I will love and honor them.
    c. a little but not as much as if they were Muslim
    d. we’ll convert them

    14. How would you treat them?
    a. good
    b. they don’t exist
    c. as good as they treat us

    15. Is weight an issue?
    a. yes
    b. how much/little weight?
    c. no

    16. Are you willing to teach me Arabic even if I am the worst student?
    a. yes
    b. no
    c. if I can’t I’ll get you the best teachers or classes.

    17. Is there a difference between sex and making love?
    a. yes
    b. no

    18. Do you like kissing?
    a. yes
    b. no
    c. foreplay is sunnah

    19. Do you have to be intimate to be passionate?
    a. yes
    b. no

    20. What role does Allah s.w.t. play in sex?
    a. none
    b. some
    c. a lot

    21. Do you say any dua’s before being intimate?
    a. always
    b. sometimes
    c. never but would learn

    22. Would you ever put your hands on me in a negative way?
    a. of course, you’re mine to do with as I please.
    b. never, it’s forbidden to harm your wife.

    23. Have you ever gotten in a physical fight?
    a. yes I stand my ground
    b. a few, but they started it
    c. a few, but they were pissing me off
    d. never. I treat all with gentleness and compassion.

    24. Is there such a thing as extremism in Islam?
    a. yes
    b. no

    25. What do you expect my role has a wife should be?
    a. keep house and children
    b. a partner

    26. What are your roles as a husband?
    a. to control all things in the household
    b. to support and care for you and our children
    c. to lead and guide our lives properly according to the Qur’an and Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh)

    27. If I make halal money what would you expect me to do with it?
    a. put it into the family.
    b. keep it
    c. whatever you decided to do with it would be fine since it’s yours to do with as you please.

    28. How important is Jummah to you?
    a. not at all
    b. somewhat
    c. extremely

    29. Would you ever miss Jummah? If so, why?
    a. yes
    b. no
    c. it would have to be something very important for me to miss Jummah

    30. What kind of friends do you have?
    a. kufr
    b. Muslim
    c. mixture

    31. Do you entertain friends at your home?
    a. yes
    b. no
    c. occasionally

    32. Do you sit and talk strictly about Allah s.w.t. and Islam or do you have idle talks about trivial talks?
    a. we’ll only discussion Islam
    b. We’ll discuss whatever the moment brings up
    c. Talk? We have to talk?

    33. DO you watch sports? If so, how often?
    a. never
    b. occasionally
    c. never miss a game

    34. Do you play sports? How often?
    a. some
    b. occasionally
    c. love it and play it all the time

    35. Have you missed Salaat for either? If so, how often?
    a. never
    b. I have but it was for good reason
    c. I have because I was involved in the game

    Meeeeg7 Said,
    August 27th, 2008 @8:33 am

    1. If later down the line I wanted to wear niqab, would you support me?
    a. yes
    b. no

    2. Do you think it is proper for me to be around other men with you there?
    a. yes
    b. no

  • Hajeer

    1) Do you smoke?

    a) Yes, I’m a heavy smoker, but plan to give up insha’Allah.
    b) Yes, but only a few times a month when I’m with friends.
    c) No, I have tried it a few times during my teens but I don’t like the taste.
    d) No, smoking is bad for your health.
    e) No, anything which harms the body is haraam, so Alhamdulillah I don’t smoke.

  • Hajeer

    2) Do you think people can be trusted these days?

    ~a) No, most people are liars these days.
    ~b) Yes, but just to be on the safe side it’s better not to trust people too often.
    ~c) Of course, most people have good intentions. You can trust them.
    ~d) It all depends on your situation.
    ~e) I trust everybody.

  • Hajeer

    3) How much Qur’an have you memorised?

    ~a) Not a lot. Arabic is my second language. I only know about the last 10 surahs, but insha’Allah I will memorise more.
    ~b) I used to know a lot, but I forgot most of them.
    ~c) I don’t know the whole Qur’an but Alhamdulillah I can follow along when I hear parts of the Qur’an being recited.
    ~d) Alhamdulillah, I’m a Hafiz.

  • Hajeer

    4) Can you speak Arabic?

    ~a) Yes, I was raised in an Arabic speaking country.
    ~b) Yes, because I went to an islamic school.
    ~c) I learnt some from my Arab friends.
    ~d) No, but I am in the process of learning.
    ~e) I will learn one day, insha’Allah. Right now I’m kinda busy.
    ~f) No, I don’t need to. I can just read the translation of the Qur’an in my own language.

  • Hajeer

    5) How important is it for you to marry someone from your own culture?

    ~a) For the marriage to work, they should be from the same culture.
    ~b) It’s not crucial, but it may make things a little easier.
    ~c) To please my parents I will marry inside my culture.
    ~d) Very, I feel an attraction towards people from my own culture.
    ~e) Culture is irrelevant.

  • Hajeer

    6) Where are you from?

    ~a) Middle east
    ~b) The indian subcontinent
    ~c) I’m asian.
    ~d) Africa.
    ~e) I’m European.
    ~f) I’m from the Pacific Ocean/Oceania(Australia/NZ)
    ~g) North America
    ~h) Central/South America.
    ~i) I come from a mixed background.
    ~j) Other….(please specify)

    {Sorry for exceeding your option limit of 5 but for this Question I feel it’s necessary to have all of these different backgrounds because people will want to know exactly where you’re from}

  • hamiidah

    i think it’s important for the sister to know the financial capabilities of the brother. will he be able to give her what she’s used to, more or less? is she willing to marry him if he can’t? are there good financial prospects ahead for the brother? a sister needs to be really truthful to herself. if she can’t stick his financial situation she shouldn’t pretend to because when the chips are down, the nikah will either make or break.

    issues of disciplining children should be discussed. do you feel children should watch tv? if yes, how much tv? bedtime? what kind of books do you think children should read? homeschool or regular school?

  • sunni4lyf

    ooooh I like this n I can’t wait to get started doing my own so I can post it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n just for a heads up I’m from America so the questions I post will be relative to things here…. heheh I wouldnt ask about camels n stuff like that hehehee!!!!!!!! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay may ALLAH make some really good successful marriages come from this project!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • sunni4lyf

    1. How often do you wake up for fajr, one time?
    a. AlHamdulila!!! Almost every morning
    b. Sometimes when I remember to set the alarm
    c. Not too often I work so much I get so tired

    2. Do you pray during the last third of the night?
    a. Yes and my spouse must get up with me
    b. Yes and I would like my spouse to join me
    c. No but Inshallah we can practice trying

    3. Who do you model your life after?
    a. That soccer guy, he’s really good!
    b. That model Girl, she’s so pretty
    c. Those whom ALLAH has given His Favor like __NAME___

    4.Would you marry someone who has reverted back to islam?
    a. It depends on their character and if they have proper aqidah
    b. No I need an experianced muslim to help me
    c.Yes I would love to help my spouse learn their deen!!!!!

    5. Do you want your wife to work or stay at home with children?
    a. I never want my wife to work so long as I am able bodied!!!
    b. Only if we don’t have kids yet and its a decent job
    c. Sure we can work opposite shifts and have weekends off for family time

    6. Would you mind having a stepchild?
    a. Yes I would mind, I’m not sure how to deal with them
    b. The more kids the merrier!!!
    c. It depends if the other parent is still involved

    7. Would you treat that child as your own?
    a. I would treat them like my bro/sis in faith
    b. I would open my heart to grow to love them
    c. I will do things in different ways but I will treat them justly

    8. What role do our past relationships play on your decision, if any?
    a. Now that you are muslim it doesn’t matter!!!! Just don’t go mixing around with them
    b. I wouldn’t like to deal with someone who had tendency of promiscuity
    c. I highly prefer to be with a virgin

    9. Do you want kids of your own?
    a. As Many as ALLAH will give me
    b. Yes but not now I have loose ends to tie
    c. No because of health reasons
    d. I have enough kids already!

    10. How would you treat me if I was having a bad week and I was doing everything that gets on your nerves? ~ not on purpose~
    a. Go stay with my other wife/ mahram relative til you felt “better”
    b. I would give you space and try to be patient but you will not walk over me
    c. I don’t know I haven’t had to experiance anything like that

    11. Do you hold grudges?
    a. When I’m hurt badly its hard to forgive and put it behind
    b. I forgive but I don’t forget
    c. I don’t forgive until I forget
    d. AlHamdulila! innalilahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun!!!

    12. How important is your involvement with my kafr/non muslim family?
    a. When they come over they must observe our Islamic customes
    b. I’ll be nice to them as long as theyre nice to me
    c. I don’t have non muslim family and i prefer it that way

    13. Is weight an issue?
    a. Very skinny people are not attractive to me
    b. Overweight people are not attractive to me
    c. I prefer someone who has proportion similar to mine

    14. If I gain weight after having children how would you feel?
    a. I would love you so much by then I wouldn’t care
    b.You must try alot to maintain your health and body to stay healthy and fit
    c. We can diet and excersize together as a family and I’ll take the baby while you work it girl!!!!!!

    15. Are you willing to teach me Arabic even if I am the worst student?
    a. I will help you with as much as I know
    b. I will get a tutor for you
    c. Sorry I don’t know arabic yet!

    16. Is there a difference between sex and making love?
    a. One is for when we’re tired! The other is for before we have kids!
    b. Um… I’m a virgin soo………
    c. heheheh oh boy is there!!!!!!!

    17. Do you like kissing?
    a. when were alone
    b. Sure I’ll kiss you hi and bye!
    c. Chapstick, mints, lips, lets GO and GO and GO!!!!!!

    18. What role does Allah s.w.t. play in sex?
    a. I know the duaa you are suppossed to say so shaytaan doesnt harm your child
    b. What do you mean ? I know HE can always see us but what else is there?
    c. I don’t know / I’m not sure

    19. Do you say any dua’s before being intimate?
    a. Yes I know the ones the prophet S.A.W.S said
    b. I know them but sometimes forget
    c. No but I could learn one for ALLAH’s sake

    20. Would you ever put your hands on me in a negitive way?
    a. I have never and do not intend to ever strike a woman
    b. Whats negative about my hands on you?
    c. You are my wife and what ever I do with you is halal! astaghfirllah, now be quiet about this!

    21. Is there such a thing as extremism in Islam?
    a. I know a few muslims have become extreme but its not an “ISLAMIC” concept
    b. Yes you have to be tough so things wont go wrong
    c. I heard about it but I don’t know much of it

    22. What do you expect my role has a wife should be?
    a. To do what ever I tell you
    b. To do as ALLAH commands in quran and Sunnah as much you can and do whats fard/ wajib
    c. To do what you feel is best to the extent of your knowledge

    23. Do you know your roles as a husband?
    a. Yes some are _________ __________ ___________
    b. I do what my father did for my mom which was ________
    c. No but I can learn before we’re married

    24. If I make halal money what would you expect me to do with it?
    a. To spend it in halal ways to benefit our family
    b. To put most we don’t need in a bank account
    c. Whatever you feel is best

    25. How important is Jummah to you? (MAN)
    a. I wish I didn’t have this strict job I would always go
    b. I know it is obligatory upon the men and I’d rather loose my job than miss it!
    c. I go when I can get a ride, its so far

    26. How important is Jummah to you? (WOMAN)
    a. Going to jumuah is fun!
    b. I should go as much as I can
    c. I’ll go when I feel like it

    27. What kind of friends do you have?
    a. Some Muslim friends and non muslim friends
    b. Only muslim “friends” other people are just aquiantences
    c. just the people at the mosque and my family

    28. Do you entertain friends at your home?
    a. no but you can if you want to
    b. yes i do like to
    c. no i’d rather attend someone else’s gathering at their home

    29. Do you watch sports? If so, how often?
    a. I only watch all my favorite teams games
    b. I might catch the final round just to see who wins
    c. I’m not into sports that much

    30. If you wanted to have relations with me but I was sick or really tired would you consider my feelings?
    a. I can do as I please with you
    b. I would consider but still do as I wish
    c. I would oblige you but not for many days in a row unless it was really serious sickness

    31. If someone we knew inappropriately touched me/you what would you do if I told you?
    a. You shouldn’t have been out here in the first place you may have roused their desire
    b. I shouldn’t have left them alone with you and they will not return here
    c. You should be hung for this how could you let it happen?!!!!!

    32. How many times have you been to jail for more than traffic violations?
    a. 0-1
    b. 2-3
    c. ummm hold on let me check

    33. When was the last time you were checked for std’s/ viruses?
    a. well i dont need to I’ve never even been with anyone yet!
    b. In the last 12 months
    c. What is this stds.. stads… stdis???

    34. Are you willing to be tested and present the results to be able to marry me? Even if you have never been with anyone?
    a. Sure
    b. Yes but only to you and our wali
    c. No I’d rather not talk about my health yet

    35. Do you expect me to clean up after you like laundry, cook, iron?
    a. I don’t EXPECT you to but… if your not working… then i don’t see why not…..
    b. Only when I have to go to work
    c. No I have a maid service already that I pay to clean up because I can afford it right now
    d. No I’ll clean up after myself when I feel like getting around to it
    e. I’ll just do the tough jobs like the toilet and the trash, you know the “manly” stuff

    36. DO you mind that I listen to non Islamic music with instruments and such?
    a. I listen to it too but I’m trying to stop eventually
    b. MUSIC? MUUUUUSIC? HARAAM ! HARAAM !HARAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    c. Yes it does bother me I don’t want it to be an issue in my marriage along with television and non zabiha food
    d. We can only listen to the music I choose because its not saying bad things

    37. If I show you authentic Quran and sunnah about something you do that I really don’t like would you stop? i .e. Interest, cigarettes, not wearing hijab, being able to go to the masjid etc..
    a. If I can stop immediately I will or at least I will immediately start to work on it
    b. No because my shortcommings are between me and ALLAH
    c. Only if you stop doing that thing I don’t like, help me and I help you

    38. ALLAH has told us in the quran and through Sunnah a womans wealth is hers to keep, so if you want me to spend a certain way will you get mad if I choose differently?
    a. ALLAH’s word is not for me to change, how can I argue?
    b. But if my idea is really good you should help me and I could pay you back
    c. I am your husband and you should listen to me ALLAH also says in Quaran and sunnah listen to your husband

    39. Have you ever done any drug even once?
    a. I used a little ____, or /and ______ in college/ high school but not since then
    b. I have never done drugs and my friends/family can affirm that
    c. I admit I was an addict before I became muslim but I ‘ve been clean __ years/months
    d. I admit I was/am an addict and I need a spouse who will help me get/stay clean

    40. Would you allow any in-laws to live with us temporarily?
    a. Yes in emergency like fire, foreclosure, etc.. but they won’t be home alone with you ever
    b. Yes and they might be home alone with you sometimes
    c. No I don’t want your or my in-laws around for that long
    d. No unless they pay us rent and get a job immediately

    41. Would we be taking care of an elderly/disabled parent/ relative in our home?
    a. Yes but I’ll make the arrangements
    b. Yes I will be asking you to help me
    c. No I doubt it would be neccessary
    d. No They are in a nursing home and I/we will go every day/week/month to visit

    41. If I asked you to read some short things and give me a summary of what you think before you can marry me would you do it?
    a. sure now that you mention it i have something for you to read too!
    b. How about we just talk about now what you want me to read
    c. No we can read it after we marry and I will listen to you
    d. I read enough so I’m sure I already know the book/article

    42. will it bother you if we cannot afford a house for a while?
    a. Yes we must have a house as soon as possible!
    b. Inshallah we will have one when the time is right
    c. No I am used to renting/ leasing

    43. Will it bother you to live in a rough neighborhood? high crime, drugs, violence, loud
    a. that sounds like where i live now!
    b. I hate living in it but we can’t afford better yet
    c. I’ll stay home until you find us a decent place

    44. I am still in college are you okay with marrying now?
    a. Yes but I couldn’t afford your tuition
    b. We should wait so we can focus and keep talking through our wali
    c. We can marry now but I will use birth control so I will finish school quickly

    45. I don’t have a job or high school education but I’ll be a real Good spouse : you think:
    a. Um nO……
    b. Sure brother ALLAH will take care of everything for us
    c. Thats okay sister I’ll take care of you
    d. I heard you’re a good muslim but we need to tie our camel

    46. Do you mind being a 2nd, 3rd,4th wife?
    a. Its okay but I don’t want to meet the others
    b. Its okay but I want a seperate home/space from the other wives
    c. No I don’t want to I don’t feel I know how
    d. I will divorce you if you have another wife

    47. Can I still hang out with my non muslim friends?
    a. Only at home and in decency
    b. No its not good for a muslim to have non muslim friends
    c. If you promise to tell them about Islam
    d. Just the ones you were closest with since childhood
    e. Only if I’m there to make sure they’re okay people

    48. Let’s say your mom/ sister/ dad/ what ever person/ relative is trying to come between our marriage what will you do?
    a. If its my mom and dad I’ll listen but other than that don’t worry
    b. If its that serious all of us involved need to sit down and talk
    c. I don’t care what any one says about my marraige
    d. I need to have proof of their talk

    49. How would you spend your spare time?
    a. Deen , Family , relaxing
    b. Relaxing
    c. Managing my business
    d. Online

    50. Do you prefer to work through a problem or just stay quiet until it passes?
    a. When we calm down we can work it out
    b. We cannot stop until we come to a decision
    c. 1st in Quran and Sunnah then we talk the earliest when we both feel up to it
    d. I rather leave it in ALLAH’s hands and make duaa
    e. I hide from my problems until they stop and go away its easier that way

    And when the actual test is done online if a person picks a certain answer sometimes a similar question should pop up after just for a lil more clarification like in # 3,5,7,8,12,13,20,22,23,27,30-34 …. u know to help see where a persons head is at. u cant assume because they are muslim and that someone mentioned them for marriage that its just all cool and smooth already!

  • hawa

    43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
    a) Yes, I think it’s essential to always communicate romantic feelings to my spouse
    b) Yes, when the occasion calls for it
    c) No, I’m sure my spouse would already know how i feel

    44. After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
    a) Yes, I’m not concerned with what people think.
    b) Yes, but only to a certain extent
    c) No, I think I’ll express my affection at home.

  • Hajeer

    7) How many children would you like to have?

    ~a) None at the moment, but maybe in the future insha’Allah.
    ~b) 2 is a nice number, 1 boy and 1 girl insha’Allah!
    ~c) I love kids, so about 3-5 insha’Allah.
    ~d) Children are a blessing, so as many as we can have insha’Allah.

  • Hajeer

    8) What are your views on the things that are happening to muslims around the world e.g. in Palestine for example?

    -a) What do you mean?
    -b) I don’t really know what’s happening, but I feel for my muslim brothers and sisters who are suffering.
    -c) Yeah, it is very sad. But lets be honest, we can’t really do anything about it.
    -d) May Allah(swt) ease their pain and give them all sabr. I wish we could do more to help them.

  • Hajeer

    Question 8*** that smiley face isn’t supposed to be there…. D=

  • Hajeer

    9) How do you like to dress?

    ~a) I just put on whatever i first grab from the floor.
    ~b) I wear whatever my mum chooses for me.
    ~c) I wear anything as long as its clean, tidy and modest.
    ~d) I dress modestly, but I have to look good and everything has to match.

  • sunni/salafi4life

    as salamu alaikum wa rahma tullah,

    I have tried to give as many choices for answers as possible. some of these maybe touchy questions but they are very relevant. maybe there could also be a place for people to put there own comments as answers too not just the standard ones that are given. for the most part a person need not go into any detail but they can give a general idea of their past/current situation.

    Would you marry someone who was sexually assaulted?
    Only if molested
    only if violently raped
    I would rather hear the situation and then decide
    yes
    no

    Would you marry someone who had a child out of wedlock and was a Muslim at the time?
    It depends on the situation
    only if that muslim had only one partner
    yes
    no
    I’d rather hear the situation then decide

    How do you personally feel about polygny?
    I am for it
    I am against it
    it depends on how I think my spouse could handle it
    it depends on the sister coming into my marriage
    it depends o the sister whose marriage I am coming into

    How do you feel about making Hijra?
    I am for it
    I am against it
    maybe one day

    How do you feel about birth control?
    I am for it
    I am against it
    It depends on the situation

    How would you feel about marrying someone who had been raised a Muslim, stopped practicing for awhile and then came back?
    I would not marry him/her
    I would marry him/her because what they did in the past is between that person and Allah
    I would want them to get tested for STD and as long as everything was negative I’d marry him/her

    Do you consider a virgin to be only one who has not had sex?
    He/She should not have done anything at all
    Having had or performed oral sex is ok
    nothing except kissing is ok

    Have you ever used drugs?
    only weed
    some narcotics
    i was once an addict
    no

    How do you feel about the face veil?
    I am for it
    I am against it
    only to the masjid and other Islamic functions
    only in places where one feels comfortable with it

    What is your preference in your child’s education
    Homescholing
    private Islamic
    Private non Islamic
    Publlic
    Whatever is better
    does not make a difference

    How would you feel if you spouse/kid(s)? had more Qur’an than you
    Masha’Allah Tabarak ALlah
    not cool
    it would give me more incentive to strive insha’ALlah

  • princesschetoui

    Do you believe in divorce?

    If so what woul be the reason for it?

    What if your wife is unable to have childern, what would u do?

    Would you marry someone older or younger then you If so what is the age range?

    Would your relocate to a different country?
    Which countries would you move to or not move to?

    If you marry a american revert with family that isn’t muslim would u celebrate their holidays such as christmas, halloween, and thanksgiving?

    Do you follow the Quran?
    a) very strictly
    b) Follow but not so strict

    What type of person are you?
    a) shy
    b) not shy

    a)outspoken
    b)keep my feeling to myself
    c) express myself when needed but it take alot to get tp this point
    d) vey layed back nothing bothers me

  • UmmAbdurrahman

    Assalaamu alaikum. I hope this is not too late. Here are the answers I could manage…

    First set of questions:

    1. How often do you wake up for fajr?

    A. Every day, B. As often as I hear the azhan on my computer and can shake myself awake, C. I do not wake up for anything that happens before 10am, D. I don’t really stick to most of the salaahs

    2. How often do you pray during the last third of the night?

    A. Stop by my house any night around 2am and you’ll find me praying, B. I make an extra effort to do this in Ramadan and on holy nights, C. I do this sometimes when I remember, D. My nights are reserved for sleeping

    3. Who do you model your life after?

    A. The Prophet (saw) and sahabi, B. My parents, C. A teacher or friend I respect, D. A particular athlete or celebrity, E. Nobody, I like to think of myself as an individual

    4.Would marry someone who has reverted back to islam?

    A. Sure! B. Yes, but I would have to check around about them quite a bit first, C. No, my parents would freak, D. No, I just don’t think that would work for me

    5. What’s your opinion about having your wife work or stay at home with children?

    A. I definitely want a wife who will work outside the home, B. I definitely want a wife who will stay at home, C. I’m happy with whatever she wants to do, D. I think we should decide together as we go along depending on circumstances

    6. Would you mind having a stepchild?

    A. I would not be comfortable with that, B. I love kids and would be happy to accept a stepchild into my family, C. It depends on the kid and if our personalities match or clash, D. I never really thought about it, and I’m not sure

    7. Would you treat that child as your own?

    A. Yes, I would absolutely treat him like my own, B. I think in my heart there would be a difference between that child and my own, C. I don’t know- I’ll just try my best, D. I will provide a home for your child, but he is your child and you should parent him

    8. What role do our past relationships play on your decision, if any?

    A. A big role because of how past relationships have impacted me, B. A big role because I want a spouse with a certain background (ie. never been married, etc.), C. I would like to take both of our backgrounds in as part of the big picture, D. None- if I think we are compatible, I don’t think our pasts really matter

    9. Is salafi and sunni the same thing?

    A. Yes, they are, B. No, they aren’t, C. What and what?

    10. Do you want kids of your own?

    A. Yes, and right away, B. Yes, but not for a while, C. I don’t mind having them or not having them, D. No, I am just not a kid person

    11. How would you treat me if I was having a bad week and I was doing everything that gets on your nerves?

    A. I would make dua for you and try to find something to soothe your nerves, B. I would let you know that while I sympathize with your problems, you can’t take out your irritation on me, C. This would be where our first really loud argument probably begins, D. I hate conflict and I would be off to my mom’s house for a few days

    12. Do you hold grudges?

    A. Yes, if I was right and you were wrong, B. Yes, pretty much after any fight or any wrong somebody does against me, C. Not unless it was something really very hurtful, D. No, I usually just put it out of my mind and move on

    13. How important is your involvement with my kafr family?

    A. I would probably be uncomfortable around them and avoid interaction, B. I’m ok with getting to know them if they want to get to know me, C. I look forward to meeting my new in-laws and hope we all learn to love each other, D. I will always encourage you to love and respect them and make dua for them even if they treat you or me badly

    14. How would you treat them?

    15. Is weight an issue?

    A. Yes, I need my spouse to look nice for me, B. Yes, because I want a spouse who is healthy and fit and can be active like me, C. It is somewhat, but I won’t go ballistic if you put on a few pounds, D. No, it’s one of those things that I just don’t notice or care about much

    16. Are you willing to teach me Arabic even if I am the worst student?

    A. Yes, I’ll keep teaching as long as you keep trying to learn, B. Yes, because I’m the worst teacher ever so we’ll be a great match, C. No, I am not a teacher, so you just need to sign up for a class at the masjid, D. No, because I don’t even know Arabic myself

    22. Would you ever put your hands on me in a negative way (hit or hurt)?

    A. No, absolutely not under any circumstance, B. Not unless something severe happened, like I caught you being unfaithful, C. Not unless I had tried other things to correct you and nothing else worked, D. Yes, I’m just a phsical person and that is how I communicate discipline

    23. Have you ever gotten in a physical fight?

    A. Yes, and people know not to mess with me, B. Yes, but only with my brothers when I was a little kid, C. No, I’m a peace-loving guy, D. No, I fear pain

    24. Is there such a thing as extremism in Islam?

    A. Yes, a person can be too focused on religion, B. Yes, if a person misintrepets what Islam teaches and uses that view to commit violence, C. No, not if they are following Islam in its true form, D. No, there is not extremism, only higher levels of devotion

    25. What do you expect my role has a wife should be?

    A. I want you to be at home and for me and our children the primary focus of your life, B. I basically want you to do things the way my mom always did and you can get instructions from her, C. As long as you attend to your marital duties concerning intimacy, I don’t care about the rest, D. I really don’t have any expectations for what my wife should do or be like

    26. What are your roles as a husband?

    A. I will try to be a good provider and active in our home and social life, B. I make the money and you keep the house in order and handle our social calendar, C. My main focus will be on becoming your best friend and true love, D. I don’t know- I just want to get married to keep myself away from haram

    27. If I make halal money what would you expect me to do with it?

    A. Put it aside for your own personal needs, B. Put it towards the needs of our household, C. Spend it on charity and investments, D. I don’t care what you do with it, it’s yours

    28. How important is Jummah to you?

    A. I always attend Jummah because it is a command of Allah, B. I always attend Jummah but mostly out of habit or to see my friends, C. I go when I can, D. I usually don’t go

    29. Would you ever miss Jummah? If so, why?

    A. Yes, it’s just not a big priority for me right now, B. Yes, if I had to work or something and just couldn’t go, C. No, I wouldn’t miss it most of the time, D. No, I wouldn’t miss it even if I were sick and had to crawl to the masjid

    30. What kind of friends do you have?

    A. People who are my friends primarily because they are Muslim, B. People who have the same interests as me, C. People from different backgrounds, a total mix and match, D. People I don’t usually introduce to my parents

    31. Do you entertain friends at your home?

    A. Yes, I plan big dinners and parties and everyday there is always someone hanging out at my house, B. Yes, I have friends over at least once a week, C. I don’t invite people over much because it’s a lot of trouble, but I like to eat out with friends or meet them at the masjid, D. No, I like time alone and I’m not relaxed having people in my house

    32. Do you sit and talk strictly about Allah s.w.t. and Islam or do you have idle talks about trivial topics?

    A. If I’m talking to my friends, it will always revolve around Allah (swt), B. Sometimes we discuss religion and sometimes sports, but we stick to halal topics, C. We talk about whatever is on our minds at the moment, D. I’m not much of a talker

    33. Do you watch sports? If so, how often?

    A. Yes, I must have a daily sports fix and check the stats on the internet in between games, B. I have one or two sports or teams that I follow, C. I’ll watch a game if it’s on, D. No, I’m not into sports

    34. Do you play sports? How often?

    A. Yes, I’m on several teams and I love to play every day, B. I play maybe once a week whenever I can get a few of the guys together, C. I play sometimes if someone asks me to come along for a game, D. No, I’m just not interested in playing sports and I think it’s a waste of time

    35. Have you missed Salaat for either?

    A. Yes, I’ve missed salaat if I was in the middle of playing a game, B. Yes, I’ve missed salaat while I was watching a game because I was actually at the event, C. Yes, I’ve missed salaat while I was watching a game on tv, D. No, I would never miss salaat for a game.

    Second set of questions:

    1. How important is your religion to you personally right now?

    A. It is the purpose of all I do and the focus of my every thought and action insha’Allah, B. It has a high priority in my life, C. I am glad I have my religion, but it’s only one aspect of my life, D. I am not a religious person

    How important was it in the household while growing up?

    A. Our family was very focused on religion, B. We were taught the basics of religion but not everyday applications of it, C. My parents consider themselves Muslim but don’t practice it much, D. Our family is not at all religious

    2. How important is your culture to you, and are you able to separate culture from religion without trouble?

    A. I love all aspects of my culture, it’s art, it’s music, it’s dances, it’s people, B. I appreciate the culture I was raised in, but it is very distinct from my religious beliefs, C. There is no difference between my culture and my religious beliefs, D. I was raised in a culture whose main religion is different than my own

    3. Does it make any difference to you that I am not from a Muslim family and have chosen to become Muslim?

    A. Yes, I would prefer you over others for specifically that reason, B. Yes, I would prefer not to marry someone who comes from such a different background than I do, C. No, it doesn’t really matter to me as long as we are compatible, D. No, it doesn’t matter to me because I’m not too religious

    4. Does it matter to your family if I am from a different culture?

    A. Yes, they want to arrange a marriage for me with someone from back home and an outsider would be unwelcome, B. Yes, they have encouraged me to marry someone from a different culture, C. No, they just want me to marry someone pious, D. No, they don’t care who I marry as long as I am happy

    5. Do you think it’s ok for a woman to go to the masjid, or should she not go?

    A. Women should pray at home and leave masjids for the men, B. Women can go the masjid with their father or husband, C. Women can go to the masjid for classes or learning, D. Women should go to the masjid often for salaat and be active in their community there

    6. Where does education fall on your list of priorities?

    A. I am well-educated and would like a spouse who is well-educated, B. I am in the process of getting my education and want a spouse who will support the effort as I will support them in their own efforts to finish their education, C. I do not have a lot of education but prefer a spouse who does, D. Education doesn’t really matter much to me

    8. How do you feel about women in Hijab? Does it make you think less of a woman without her hair covered but still modest?

    A. If a woman doesn’t cover her head I don’t consider her covered and wouldn’t accept her as a spouse, B. If a woman doesn’t cover her head I would still marry her but insist that she begins to wear hijab as soon as we marry, C. If a woman is trying to be modest in her dress then that is enough for me and I would consider her as a spouse, D. I actually prefer a woman who does not cover her head

    9. Do you want kids? (if yes, how many?)

    A. Yes, lots, as many as Allah will give us, B. Yes, as many as I feel we can support reasonably, C. Yes, but just one or two, D. No, I don’t want kids

    10. How well do you speak Arabic? Would you pass on that knowledge to your children if you have any so that they could learn the Qur’an and understand it too? Would you be willing to help teach me?

    A. I speak Arabic and would love to teach it to my family, B. I speak Arabic but I don’t think I could teach it, C. I don’t speak Arabic, so I can’t help you, D. I don’t speak Arabic either, so let’s learn it together

    11. How much do you consider yourself a “practicing” muslim?

    A. I know my religion well alhamdulillah and practice Islam as thoroughly as I can in all aspects, B. I am still learning the religion and trying to practice what I know, C. I practice some aspects of Islam, but it does not define my life for me, D. I’m a Muslim but I don’t really practice it

    12. What is your relationship to your parents?

    A. I love them with all my heart, respect them, and would do anything for them, B. We get along well and I try to stay in touch, C. My relationship with my parents is very distant, D. My parents have passed away.

    13. Would you consider a second wife? If yes why?

    A. Yes, I hope to fulfill my quota of four, B. Yes, I would if I felt my needs weren’t met at home and I was tempted toward haram, C. Yes, I would if there was a sister in need D. No, I think one woman is all I can handle

    14. Would you marry for love or would you prefer an arranged marriage?

    A. I would prefer to marry for love, B. I would prefer to have a marriage arranged for me, C. I would like to get to know some prospects and see if I feel like I could fall in love with any of them, D. I don’t care, I just hope to get married by whatever means

    15. If I gave you advice without scolding or talking down, would you at least be willing to listen to me?

    A. Yes, I’m good at taking advice, B. Yes, I might get offended at the time, but if the advice was good I would cool down and then consider it, C. No, I don’t like advice that I didn’t ask for, D. No, I expect to make decisions for our family and for you to respect and follow them

    16. Do you prefer to think of your wife as passive or strong willed?

    A. Passive, I want someone easy to deal with, B. Passive, but not mindless, C. Strong-willed, I like someone who can make good decisions for herself, D. Strong-willed, I’m not a decisive person and would like to marry someone who is

    17. Would I be allowed to go out with my friends without you being jealous of the time I spend with them?

    A. Yes, I want you to have a life of your own, B. Yes, as long as it doesn’t prevent you from taking care of my needs or properly caring for our home, C. No, we can go out with other couples together, D. No, I’m getting married so that I have someone to spend my time with and that would defeat the point

    18. Would I be able to invite friends over to the house?

    A. Yes, if they are modest, hijabi women who will cover in front of me, B. Yes, if you have them over while I’m out at work, C. Yes, invite whoever you want, it’s your house, too, D. No, I don’t like having people over

    21. Do you consider yourself openminded?

    A. Yes on matters of opinion, but no on matters of religion, B. Yes, I’m interested in other viewpoints and hope other people are interested in mine, C. Yes, but just don’t pressure me to agree with you, D. No, my world is pretty black and white and most issues have a right or wrong answer

    22. Do you consider yourself sympathetic?

    A. Yes, I really feel bad for others if they are hurting or in need, B. Yes, I believe it is good to be sympathetic and so I try to be, C. No, I’m not a very emotional person in general, D. No, I have problems, too, and I think everybody needs to worry about their own

    23. Do you have a passion? (for learning, for trying new things, for traveling, etc)

    A. Yes, my passion is Islam and Allah, B. Yes, my passions are for religion and for a specific talent or hobby I have, C. Yes, I have a passion for a particular talent or hobby or for my work, D. No, I don’t get too excited about any one thing

    24. Do you consider yourself a hard worker?

    A. Yes, if I do something I want to get it done right, and I really keep at it, B. I like to work hard and play hard, I’m always on the go, C. I like to work hard and then get in some good relaxation to balance it out, D. I’m easy going and don’t like to push myself too hard on anything because it takes the fun out of life

    25. Do you consider yourself judgmental?

    A. Yes, I know I am, but I’m also right, B. Sometimes I am but I try not to be, C. No, but there are certain things that I don’t agree with others about and just don’t like to discuss, D. No, I think we’re all going through life with the right to make decisions for ourselves and the end results are between us and Allah

    26. Would you be embarrassed of me in public?

    A. Yes, if you are too loud or wear clothing that calls attention to yourself, B. Yes, if you don’t keep yourself looking nice, C. No, not as long as you aren’t doing anything un-Islamic, D. No, I will always be proud to have my spouse with me wherever I go

    27. How do you handle stress?

    A. I need to talk about it, a lot, B. I need time to myself to unwind, C. I do a lot of zhikr and pray nafl and read Qur’an, D. I tend to yell and get angry, so it’s better to avoid me when I’m stressed out

    28. How do you handle anger?

    A. I don’t get angry, B. I get quiet and pretend I’m not angry, C. I yell and have been known to punch stuff, D. I make wudu and try to calm myself back down

    29. The Prophet (saw) said “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives ” (Tirmidhi)…will you be willing to remember that hadith when you are frustrated?

    A. Yes, I will always keep it in mind insha’Allah, B. Yes, if you remind me, C. Yes, as long as you don’t quote it to me when I’m frustrated or else I’ll get irritated and probably angry, D. No, please don’t expect me to live up to the example of a Prophet

    30. Do you want the wedding to be separated by gender?

    A. Yes, I believe separating the men from the women is the only halal way to do it, B. Yes, that is the traditional way our family does it, C. No, as long as the women are covered I think it’s ok to have the group mixed, D. No, I think the whole group should be together or it just doesn’t feel fun like a celebration

    31. Do you consider being “American Muslim” a bad thing?

    A. It’s an oxymoron, there’s no such thing, B. Yes, they don’t have a strong family base to work from, C. No, I think it’s great if someone converts, D. No, I think any Muslim can be a good or bad Muslim

    32. Do you plan to go to the Middle East or your native country to live there?

    A. I already live in my native country, B. No, I’m happy where I’m at, C. Yes, I would like to have a home and raise a family in a Muslim country, D. I don’t know, we’ll have to decide those things together later

    33. Why would you want to marry me?

    A. For my beauty, B. For my wealth, C. For my status, D. For my religion

    Hope that helps insha’Allah!

    UmmAbdurrahman